TAO: Bathroom or Asian art museum?

One thing that sweetens the pill of working in Las Vegas is the team dinner before our event officially kicks off; we get a last hurrah of Vegas five-star cuisine before switching gears to three meals a day of hotel-catered food. This trip, we went to TAO at the Venetian, where we enjoyed endless courses of Asian fusion food, watched over by an enormous Buddha, along the lines of the one at Buddha-Bar in Paris (which I’m sad to see I didn’t blog about…)

TAO’s restroom was pretty incredible, both inside and out, with lots of beautiful artwork, making it seem almost like a mini Asian art gallery: photos of monks in red and yellow robes; paintings of ladies dressed in silk gowns; a line of wooden statues; a candle-flanked shrine. Dark floors and bright-orange walls were a beautiful backdrop for the art, as well as red velvet Dr. Seuss-like chairs in the area outside the men’s and women’s rooms. Which brings me to one of my favorite Porcelain Press moments. Both doors had identical yin yangs on them, and neither door was stamped with a giant “M” or “W.” I paused outside, wavering, uncertain which door I should push. One of the doors swung open, and a guy walked out. He laughed. “The statues,” he said. Aha! A wooden statue stood sentry at each door, and one was clearly a woman and the other was clearly a man. Problem solved.

We had a family-style meal, so I didn’t read TAO’s menu and therefore don’t know what we ordered, but it was all fabulous, especially the fish on a stick. Best of all, the meal at TAO ended with chocolate fortune cookies. I’m a sucker for a trashy, cellophane-wrapped fortune cookie – even though I always get the worst fortunes – and a chocolate version is even more delicious.

Restroom Rating: [rating=5]

 

The Palazzo: Nothing beats showering in a glass box

I hate Las Vegas, but every couple of years, I have to go for work (recall 2011 entries about the Cosmopolitan and Bellagio). This year was one of those years, and we stayed at the Palazzo, where my palatial suite was practically the same size as my one-bedroom apartment.

One thing I enjoy about fancy hotel rooms is the crazy luxurious bathrooms, which generally have multiple sinks, separate showers and tubs, and little rooms for the toilet. When you’re staying in the room alone, it’s a fun game of “Which sink should I use today?” I used one sink for washing my face and brushing my teeth, and the other for putting on lotion – and I had a vanity on the other side of the bathroom where I dried my hair and put on makeup. Seriously, the Palazzo bathroom was so big you could have a dance party in it and skip going out to the Vegas clubs.

The bathroom was very posh, with black marble counters, wall-to-wall mirrors, a red velvet cushion on the vanity stool, and gray wallpaper in the toilet room printed with black and white flowers. The bathroom also had a TV and a telephone; when in Vegas, why not revel in unnecessary excess even when you’re flossing your teeth? My favorite part about luxury hotel bathrooms is always the all-glass showers with beautiful tile floors – it’s so refreshing and exhilarating to shower with light pouring all over you, even if you’ve gotten only five hours of sleep. Which is pretty par for the course when you’re in Las Vegas for a work function…

Please also enjoy the tiger photos. One of my responsibilities in Vegas was to oversee a “Hangover”-themed photo shoot, and I used my own stuffed tiger for inspiration one evening when I was deliriously tired.

Restroom Rating: [rating=5]

 

Philadelphia International Airport: Brand-new restrooms!

Philadelphia, my new city, must have known the Porcelain Press was coming, because the Philadelphia International Airport recently opened brand-new restrooms in concourses B and C – and they’re beautiful.

The entryways have wide, slate gray, rectangular tiles on the walls, with “MEN” and “WOMEN” written in large brushed metal letters. Inside, the restroom has a lot of character, especially in the sink area, which has shiny red tiles in two sizes; the plain stainless steel mirrors reflect the wall opposite them, which is made of long rectangular tiles in various thicknesses and shades of gray. The toilet stalls have dimpled steel doors, and the hand dryers are my favorite Xcelerators. The best part about the new restrooms at PHL is the artwork outside; the one I used had gorgeous pink and green mosaics of trees by Ava Blitz.

Not bad, new city, not bad.

Restroom Rating: [rating=4]

Cheeburger Cheeburger: Restroom reminds me of 32-cent stamps

I squealed with glee a few weeks ago when I saw a Cheeburger Cheeburger off Route 30 in Frazer, PA (235 Lancaster Ave.). Back when I lived in Port Washington on Long Island, there was a Cheeburger Cheeburger in the King Kullen shopping plaza next to my apartment, and I went there a bunch of times — my college boyfriend even got his picture on the wall for successfully downing the “famous pounder” burger.

The hallway leading to Cheeburger Cheeburger’s restroom is pale pink, and there’s a poster on the wall that explains what an egg cream is — “an old-fashioned Fountain Soda” — as well as a print of the Marilyn Monroe postage stamp from 1995, back when stamps cost only 32 cents. Cheeburger Cheeburger has a standard white-and-stainless-steel restroom, but there’s one clever quirk: a laminated sign above the paper towel dispenser that asks, “Is this restroom clean?” You’re told to “please let the store manager know” if there are any potty problems, and thumbs pointing up, down and sideways indicate good, not so good and bad bathroom conditions. However, if I walked out of the restroom flashing a thumbs-down, I doubt the waitstaff or store manager would connect my hand signal to the restroom.

Like Red Robin, Cheeburger Cheeburger now offers gluten-free buns, which is thrilling all on its own — add to it that Cheeburger Cheeburger’s “design your own” burgers are pretty dang delicious (as are their sweet potato fries), and it was a dinner of non-stop thrills. I ordered mine with Swiss cheese, tomato, barbecue sauce, black olives, coleslaw and roasted red peppers, and it was one of the best burgers I’ve ever built (tied only, I think, with the proscuitto and egg-topped monstrosity I created at Burger & Beer Joint in Miami). Guys, with places like Cheeburger Cheeburger in my backyard, it’s unquestionably clear that the suburbs are really great…!Restroom Rating: [rating=1]

Whole Foods: Keepin’ it green in the restroom

In honor of the heat wave currently ravaging the Northeast, I give you Whole Foods, where K and I used to spend extra-hot evenings, “borrowing” air conditioning (97th St. and Columbus, New York City).

Not surprisingly, Whole Foods’ restroom is very green and recycle-y, beginning with the fact that you get to it behind the composter in the eating area (see below for a photo of the signs that help you navigate this environmentally-friendly process). That’s right: after you eat at Whole Foods, you have to separate out compostable items — paper, food scraps, etc. — from actual trash. I actually think this is a wonderful idea, because I get all up in arms and terribly sad whenever I think about the Great Pacific garbage patch, but it’s still hilarious to pick through your giant bowl, scooping out spoonfuls of the mint-flecked quinoa salad you didn’t like and plopping it in the compost bin. Anyway. Restroom. Not much going on in here — after all, Whole Foods a grocery store, no matter how fancy and expensive its wares are (although, Wegmans does have a pretty fancy-ish restroom for a supermarket). The floors are some nameless cream-beige-gray color. The walls are hastily painted concrete blocks in a slightly different shade of nameless. But then, my friends, the pops of bright green remind us that Whole Foods hates on the Great Pacific garbage patch as much as I do. There’s a big plastic green bin exclusively for recyclable paper towels, and the toilet has a GREEN FLUSHER. I guess this means it wastes less water, but imagine if you could get designer flushers on your toilet at home, in all sorts of nameless and not-so-nameless colors. “Hey, Mr. Plumber. Emerald is the Pantone color of the year for 2013 — so can I get that on my toilet instead of recycling green?”

Those were fun evenings at Whole Foods. K and I would head over right after work, fill up giant bowls of food from the prepared section (soba noodles! seaweed salad! mango salad! gross crunchy healthy vegan nasty salad! Indian food! and those weird berry cobblers that we’d look at but not get…). We would generally not like half of what we put in our bowls, and most of the salads were dripping in oil. After we ate, we’d sit at the table for hours, reading, writing and talking, and dreading the moment when we’d have to leave and go back to our blistering hot apartment; our glasses would fog up the minute we walked outside, and we’d walk as slowly as we could back to the 96th Street subway station, trying not to sweat through our clothes before we got there…but why bother, because after 30 seconds on a subway platform on a 95-degree day, you’ll be dripping with sweat anyway. I still wonder how I survived several brutal, heat wave-infested summers in Manhattan without my epidermis melting or my organs baking. Seriously, don’t talk to me about how hot it is if you haven’t lived in NYC without an air conditioner for FOUR YEARS. Unless you live in Las Vegas. Then you can talk all kinds of smack about how I don’t know what hot is.

Restroom Rating: [rating=2]

Green Eggs Cafe: Red velvet pancakes…that’s all I have to say

I’d been torn up about moving from NYC to Philadelphia for months: how could the right decision possibly be leaving behind my entire life, voluntarily? And then I went to Green Eggs Cafe and ate red velvet pancakes, and my problem was solved (212 South 13th St.). No joke. Sure, I’d go through a crazy range of emotions as I prepared to move over the next month, and I wouldn’t sleep for weeks, but if Philadelphia had food like this, I could definitely call the city home.

Green Eggs Cafe’s restroom is very earthy, with walls painted two colors of beige, and cream and black floor tiles set in a modern, Piet Mondrian-esque pattern. A sleek, white-framed mirror hangs above the sink. The restroom’s showpiece is a wide canvas printed with a painting of large white flowers that just might be azaleas (I’m no florist, but Google seems to prove my hypothesis…). I’ve posted a larger image of the artwork below so that you can decide for yourself.

Green Eggs Cafe’s restroom was just fine, but even though I have a bathroom blog, it was the food here, and at El Vez and Crust, that sold me on the Philadelphia area and not the city’s toilets. Months before I started to think about moving, MA shared a photo of Green Eggs Cafe’s red velvet pancakes on Facebook, and the pancakes didn’t disappoint. They’re literally….red velvet cake…in pancake form…with a not-too-sweet filling of creamy mascarpone wonderfulness. In addition to being beautiful (don’t miss the photo below), Green Eggs Cafe’s red velvet pancakes are the most giant things ever, so large that MA and I couldn’t finish them, even though we split one serving (at $12 a plate, that means we were completely stuffed with gourmet brunch for $6 each…!). To top it off, Green Eggs Cafe offers scrapple on the menu. I obviously didn’t need a side of scrapple to go with all of those pancakes, but I ordered the Pennsylvania Dutch “specialty” anyway, just because I love it and had never seen it in NYC, the supposed mecca for foodies who want to try all imaginable foods. Ah, scrapple. I was home. It was time to move back to Pennsylvania. Thank you, Green Eggs Cafe, for helping to make the decision easy.

Restroom Rating: [rating=3]

Saxbys Coffee: Coffee takes center stage in the restroom

I recently got a car and have been cheating on Gryphon Cafe with Saxbys Coffee as my local coffee shop. Saxbys Coffee is a bit of a drive down the Main Line (346 Lancaster Ave., Haverford), and that’s part of what I like about it — it’s nice to have wheels and a new-found freedom to escape my neighborhood.

The inside of Saxbys Coffee’s two single-stall restrooms is painted a sunny, buttery yellow, with stone-like tile in two shades of gray coming halfway up the walls. Both restrooms have matching basic fixtures, wooden stands for extra rolls of toilet paper and Dyson AirBlade hand dryers, but the decorations are different. They’re both coffee themed, but one has a couple of brown coffee cups painted on the wall, while the other has framed prints of chamomile tea and a mocha hanging next to the sink. My favorite feature is in the restroom closest to the sitting area: two glass vases are filled with artificial flowers, and instead of being filled with acrylic water or marbles, the vases are filled with coffee beans. True brilliance!

Saxbys is a small chain, so it’s a little more mainstream and sleek than a mom-and-pop hipster coffee shop like Gryphon Cafe but still has its own special vibe (like flowered cushions on benches by the windows upstairs) — it’s sort of a cross between Starbucks and two of my NYC favorites, Caffé Bene and Bourbon Coffee. Saxbys has a long list of specialty lattes, everything from kit kat to cookies & cream, but right now, I’m sticking with the peanut butter cup latte, which is only around for the summer (aside: I’d tried making this beverage before at home but failed; ordering it at Saxbys made me investigate further, and I discovered that the secret os peanut butter simple syrup — it’s magic!). I look forward to trying lots of Saxbys’ other specialty lattes when summer is over, and am excited to get a lot of personal writing done while I’m at it.

Restroom Rating: [rating=4]

Bed Bath & Beyond: Restroom makes beautiful tornado shelter

When you live in the suburbs, you don’t generally need to use bathrooms at big box stores, because you’re a quick drive from home. But when you’re wandering around looking for a needle in a haystack — i.e., a lumbar support cushion in Bed Bath & Beyond, because you realize you’re slouching all day at work — you may end up in the back corner of the store and find the restroom instead (550 E Lancaster Avenue, Radnor, PA‎).

“What’s back there?” I asked myself when I saw an open doorway, and I craned my neck to see. The walls in Bed Bath & Beyond’s restroom vestibule were gray, with white paneling, a white chair rail and dark blue restroom signs. But what was that printed pink paper sign? I stepped closer. Tornado shelter signs. Hmm. That’s not something I’ve ever seen, let alone in Pennsylvania, where we don’t get a ton of tornadoes, and the ones we do get don’t generally leave massive destruction; their paths tend to be contained, both narrow and short. Inside, Bed Bath & Beyond’s restroom was actually fairly pretty for a big box store: shiny dark blue tiles that matched the restroom signs, rimmed with white tiles. The rest was all the usual stuff, including plain white sinks, stainless steel fixtures and Xcelerator hand dryers.

I didn’t find the lumbar support. So, my posture is going to get worse, but at least I know to go to my local Bed Bath & Beyond on the off chance that there’s a tornado warning in the great state of PA.

Restroom Rating: [rating=2]

Tatiana Grill: Paper towels on floor “bock” up toilet

One thing I miss about NYC is all of the train-accessible beaches, including Brighton Beach, recommended in TimeOut’s “1000 Things to Do in New York.” K and I spent a day there, basking in the summer sun and eating traditional Russian foods — Brighton Beach has a large Russian population — including meat-filled pastries and a late lunch at Tatiana Grill on the boardwalk (3152 Brighton 6th St.).

As you descend the stairs to Tatiana Grill’s restroom, you walk under a cluster of lights suspended from the ceiling that look like roses hung up to dry, like a bride’s bouquet being preserved for posterity — or until it disintegrates. You’re directed to the restroom by handwritten paper signs, and there’s also a sign on the door that tells you, in Russian and English, “do not throw paper on the floor, the toilet / sink is bocked [sic] up.” I’m not sure what throwing paper on the floor has to do with “bocked” up plumbing, and I’ll leave it at that. Inside, the restroom has a lot of rich royal blue, including the tile work, walls and sink counters. A vase of fresh flowers sits on one counter. My most memorable moment in Tatiana’s restroom was trying to clean gum off my flip flop; sitting on the wooden chair in the sink area might have helped, because the hot, sun-baked gum was particularly oozy and uncooperative.

K and I ordered a traditional Russian seafood salad that came with strips of cucumber and caviar-topped hard-boiled eggs. It was my first experience with caviar, and I was not in love — tiny spheres that squirt salty liquid are apparently not my thing — but the salad in general was delicious, and it was fun to delve into a new ethnic cuisine. The best part about Tatiana Grill was sitting on the boardwalk under a blue-and-yellow umbrella, and sipping fabulous pina coladas on a perfect, relaxing summer afternoon.

Restroom Rating: [rating=2]

 

Red Robin: Pink and no pink burgers and a Ba-THOOM

My parents have raved about Red Robin for years. My mother had read a lot of Red Robin recipes in Todd Wilbur’s “Top Secret Recipes” cookbooks, and when a location opened about 45 minutes from where they live, they started an annual summer tradition of dining at Red Robin. I thought I was missing out on something good (I wasn’t), so I was excited to have a suburban experience recently at the Red Robin in Exton, PA (600 W Uwchlan Ave).

Typical of most chain restaurants, Red Robin’s restroom is not very inventive or thrilling. This particular location had a bunch of framed prints of superhero and circus characters hanging on the wall outside the restroom. And there was a big “Ba-THOOM” sign overhead, printed in purple and orange Halloweenish bubble letters. I don’t get it… Inside, the bathroom has red stalls, and gray, white and red tiles are arranged in a pattern of squares on the floor. The sink counter is mottled gray. The end.

I ordered the “Prime Chophouse” burger, and it was okay for a chain burger, but certainly no Ottomanelli Brothers‘ or Village Whiskey masterpiece. I asked for it to be cooked medium rare, and it came back with a few hints of pink in it — when we read the bill, we discovered that that’s because Red Robin has two ways of cooking burgers: pink and no pink. C’mon, guys, if that’s the case, tell me upfront, and then I’ll be slightly more understanding about my overdone burger. The burger featured a lot of toppings — sauteed mushrooms, steak sauce, provolone, fried onions and a dijon sauce — but all of that stuff came together to create more mess than flavor. Two things I did like about Red Robin? They offer gluten-free buns (hurrah! nothing like being able to get my burger fix, without having to do a gluten cheat!), and their bottomless garlic parmesan fries are truly magical. Fries are my weakness, so endless fries is trouble, but these were worth every calorie. They’re not on the menu, so be sure to remember and ask for them next time you’re craving a mediocre, super-caloric suburban dining experience. I wonder if Todd Wilbur is working on nailing that top secret copycat recipe…?